There are too many to count.
And, my blunders are not exclusive to Bumble. We can throw in Match, Hinge, Tinder, Facebook Dating, Ok Cupid, and Plenty of Fish if you want to kick it old school. I guess you can say I have a love/hate relationship with online dating.
As a single woman in the city, who regularly traveled for the last three years of my career, dating organically hasn't been easy. When I was finally home from a long trip, my weekends consisted of laundry, cleaning and getting my groceries delivered. My introverted self would slyly convince me to avoid the wild and that swiping right was the best way to socialize.
Since I was 17, I have been on my own.
Whether I've been shacked up with a roommate, living with a boyfriend / fiancé or solo, I've had my own place. As of two weeks ago, and through a conscious choice, that changed. I now share a space with my "new" family.
How does that align with a conversation about online dating?
After I swiped right, we engaged in a fun, early morning texting dialogue. One thing led to another and (noooo, get your mind out of the gutter!) - he asked me how Covid transformed my business and life. In 28 years living on my own, I never felt embarrassed about talking about my living situation.
But, today was different.
I felt resistance rise up inside of me as I was hesitant to share how I sold lots of my things, put my belongings in storage and moved in with my friend's family. Since I've shared this new adventure, I've been told by so many that they've long for the ability to be this flexible & nimble. And yet, a part of me is trying to overcome the rival voice I hear daily telling me I failed.
In spite of that resistance, my fingers did the talking. I shared it all. Then, I waited.
After several hours of silence, I wondered, could my fears be true?
Am I seen differently for these new choices I've made?
In my mind, these choices conflict with the identity I have cultivated for myself over the years. Since college, I've created this version of me that is a strong, independent, doesn't need anyone to survive, confident, single, professional female. Seems like a lot of pressure and adjectives! And, now, I have to admit that I asked for help.
Aw, man - is this another lesson?? Damn it, I thought I was done with lessons. Who here can feel me on that one?
This is when having a coaching background (and coaches as friends is helpful)! If I step back and take a look at this from a different perspective, maybe this experience is showing me sides of myself that I've hidden over the these years.
A version of me that believes it's ok to let people in to offer support.
Maybe this new me is the me that is ready to allow in the man that has been waiting for Jacqueline 3.0?