The Ticking Birthday Clock

We Leo's love a day dedicated to us!

Growing up, birthday's meant waking up to a chocolate covered creamstick donut with a "Happy Birthday" inscribed on it.

Over the years, my birthday developed into my favorite foods, parties, flowers, dancing, cards in the mail, trips, balloons and messages from around the world. Yet, all the celebration didn't change the fact that my birthday was also a reminder that I am still not where I envisioned I would be in my life.

Luckily, I knew I never wanted to procreate.

When I was 13, I told my step-mom I didn't want kids. She assured me I would change my mind. Confidently I replied, "No, I won't." There was something inside of me that told me this wasn't my life path. Maybe it was the fact that I helped raise my sister and brother when I was younger or maybe it was the fact that I'm scared to death of childbirth. Either way, I never had a desire to become a parent.

This remains the one thing in my life that I knew exactly what I wanted.

Everything else has been open for discussion and evolution. This has given me the opportunity to experience and feel my way through every year. However, I have to admit that there are times I wish I was as confident about the other aspects of my life.

Yesterday, my 45th birthday elevated my uncertainty and awareness that I am not guaranteed tomorrow.

Now, more than ever - it's time to allow in what I've been subconscioulsy pushing away.

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